New Movie Times: football

Tuesday, 3 September 2019

Actor Who Portrayed QB Gets Called Out, Goes To Great Lengths To Prove He Can Actually Throw A Football

The internet shared a chuckle over the weekend at the expense of actor Robbie Amell, who in a viral clip from the 2015 movie The DUFF appeared to have no actual idea how to throw a football, in a scene where he is meant to be playing a star high school quarterback. Have a look at this mess:

This sequence comes immediately after Amell’s character, named Wesley Rush, is told that he will be suspended from the football team until he can get his failing grades up. This is a problem for Wesley, because apparently his only chance at going to college is on a football scholarship, which he stands to earn by virtue of his understanding not just how to throw a football, but how to throw a football well. Which, let me just say, is not at all a skill on display in that scene!

It’s not quite Kevin Spacey tossing a baseball, but that is quite the awkward, shortened, painful-looking delivery. Several sports and movie knowers theorized that Amell was probably staring down many thousands of dollars’ worth of movie equipment during this scene, and concentrating very hard on not destroying any of it, which would account for a throwing motion that appears to propel the football with all the force of a gentle breeze. Amell seemed to confirm this theory Monday night, but it’s important to remember that a man will say anything to avoid the humiliation that is his due for throwing like a little baby:

When this explanation did not immediately end the onslaught of online ownage, Amell seemed prepared to proceed to a practical demonstration, according to his wife Italia Ricci, whose Monday was very quickly becoming very stupid:

But would our hero go through with the plan? Would he drag his poor, pregnant wife outside to film grainy cell-phone video of his true football throwing motion? It turns out a man will do desperate things to prove he is not a noodle-armed doofus:

Not so bad! Of course, tech-savvy people can do impressive things with video software in this day and age. Impossible to fully believe that this wasn’t doctored with some sort of deepfake software until every living person in North America has seen Amell throw a football with their own two eyes, in person.

Sunday, 4 August 2019

Ed Reed's Pro Football Hall Of Fame Bust Deserves Its Own Hall Of Fame

Photo: Joe Robbins (Getty Images)

The tears were already rolling down Ed Reed’s face on Saturday as he prepared to unveil his bust that would physically symbolize his enshrinement into the Pro Football Hall of Fame. But once the cover of the bronze sculpture was removed, the emotions appeared to flow at an even heavier rate than before for the former safety.

A more rational person might point out that the emotional surge came from some combination of Reed revealing the bust alongside his father, receiving a swell of adoration of fans from the crowd at the ceremony—featuring the trademark “REEEEEEED” cheer—and preparing to thank all of the people in his life who helped shape his Hall of Fame career. Personally, I think it’s more likely that he was just overwhelmed by the absolute beauty of his bust.

The bar for accuracy on these kinds of things are pretty low, not even the world’s most famous athletes could have his done right, but holy shit whoever makes these really nailed it with this one. The eyes look like they’re facing the same direction, all of Reed’s facial features appear to be in the right place and, most importantly, the hair—both on his face and on the top of his head—is absolutely immaculate.

While this was clearly an incredible moment for Reed, you almost have to feel sorry for some of the enshrined players, as well as other figures, who probably feel slighted that their busts were nowhere near as accurate as the former Raven’s was. Here are some of those examples:

Deion Sanders

Photo: Jason Miller (Getty Images)

Ray Lewis

Photo: Joe Robbins (Getty Images)

Kevin Greene (whose bust had the best hair in Canton until yesterday)

Photo: Joe Robbins (Getty Images)

Hercules

Mo Salah

And, of course, Cristiano Ronaldo